To seek validation is to confide.
My experience in confiding in those close to me is that sometimes they cannot handle it and that confiding in other people needs to be kept with the person [being confided in], in mind, not just all you.
They are only receiving the information you tell them, not the full story by a long shot. They aren’t privy to facial expressions, situational factors, things you’ve misconstrued, or anything else [that you don’t tell them, or that they cannot experience for themselves].
After learning my lesson slowly, I’ve found that you need to be careful what you say and who you say it to- as obvious as that may sound – a family member, spouse, best friend may not be ideal. Especially if circles cross.
This doesn’t mean those confided in would tell others about what was said. A private conversation is usually kept rather private.
But they can never be exactly where you are, see and experienced what you have, so what you are saying will never be equal and fair information.
They are only getting your side.
A simple example is that if I were to confide in person A about person B, person A may start to take the new information and form judgement about person B [without even interacting with B].
And person A will begin to change the way they treat person B; leaving person B very confused.
That’s why we shouldn’t jump to conclusions when the grapevine comes along informing us of second, third, or more hand information. That goes for products, opinions, thoughts on life, whatever.
It leads to chaos, confusion, and no one knows why something happened. Heed caution when others confide in you to not alter your judgments without sound reason.
A Quick Note…
Someone very close to me inspired me by example to start this blog. Until very recently, I’ve always kept my personal thoughts toward life, people, and the way things are confined to the hard drive of my computer.
I was neglecting myself from outside validation.
Writing is my escape. My release from the stuff I don’t say for one reason or another. Mostly because I feel bad for overpowering people with my stupid thoughts on life and questions and observations that run sprints in my mind every day.
I’ve learned to just simply stop myself and bottle up all of those unanswered questions, however irrelevant they may be.
Well, bottling never does the trick, and I can’t seem to shut up sometimes, so I am admitting that I need outside validation from these inner turmoils that prove inappropriate in public settings.
Live Writing is my confidant…
I’m sick of writing dated word documents as if it were a journal to myself.
“Knowing” no one is going to read your journal only allows you to be more honest and blunt about the way you feel.
It doesn’t address the validation of someone else knowing about what you are going through. Just one other human being to know what you are thinking so you can gauge whether you are crazy or completely sane.
I’ve found myself in some pretty rough states because of that question being unanswered.
Without validation, I am in a purgatory of what is normal.
So I am going to not only continue writing, but post the writings of the past; some of which are very dark. Just the thought makes me feel vulnerable and insecure, but I think I’m about ready for public validation.
Assuming this is all worthy, of course.
It’s validation that makes the risk worth the reward; whether it comes from within or from other people.
In the Marine Corps, the louder you yelled and the more forceful your words are (and the more you drank) earned respect points (the reward). Of course this is a very much abbreviated version of a respected Marine, so don’t think too much into that.
In the suburban society I currently preside in, a raised voice can mean danger and stay away. Drinking too much means you have a problem. So I adjust my behaviors to what the society I’m around most of the time views me as “normal”.
It gets hard when you are around different groups of people, and all of them have a different “normal”.
That begs the question, what is my “normal”?
For now, it seems as if I am one of a small few with this version of normal. It made me feel lonely and depressed as a kid, and continues to do so even while I’m in a room full of people who love and care about me.
But I think I’m getting closer and closer every day.