What if…

Approx. read time:  < 5 minutes


Everyone laughs it off, but never actually plays…

Let’s play the “what if” game.


What if my Spirit was gone?

I guess that depends on how I define “Spirit”.

Let me paint a picture…


…a blank vessel of a man walking around;  talking;  driving in traffic;  participating in society.

…smiling and being a nice guy.

…seemingly agreeable and tends to leave good first impressions.

There is no nervousness or anxiety.

There are no judgements or opinions.

There is no reminiscing of the past, nor longing to see anybody, nor striving to do anything of true substance.

…nothing deeper than the things you see.

Overreacting or blowing up doesn’t happen, ever- because losing the Spirit means to have lost the ability to care.

And never late due to the absence of personal interests; ergo, there are no distractions for nothing is interesting enough to take away from responsibilities.


To sum up: 

The absence of the Spirit makes for the ultimate “go with the flow” kind of guy.

Very Interesting.  To me, at least.

Most of the time I strive to be all of those things when I’m around others.  At first glance, I would choose to be agreeable, not overreact, have no nervousness or anxiety, etc.

Let me reflect upon the painting…

What if I knew right now that 10 years in the future, when I am 38, I will have lost my Spirit completely.  Gradually from now until then.

Thus all enjoyment ceases, reminiscing upon past memories doesn’t apply, ignorance flourishes as I won’t be able to remember what I’m even missing.

Would I change how I currently make decisions?

Would I make the right decision, not the easy decision, because I know time is not on my side?


More specifically…

Will I…

…set aside my insecurities and fear of disappointing others and do what I want to do.

…be filled with confidence that the things I do are not just frivolous acts or odd pursuits, they are instead deliberate and focused.

…choose to spend my days striving towards a greater good that I believe in to my core, even though other’s may not share my perspective.


Would I…

…continue to hope good things will happen, or will I go out and create my own opportunities?

…stop avoiding, and being pushed over, with the thought that courage will come eventually, in some form, that will help me be the person I truly believe I could be?


Would I change anything at all?

The answer isn’t so obvious, because I am afraid to do what I know is right, so I might choose to take a few punches instead of actually doing something to better myself.  It makes me feel awkward to admit, but fear and insecurity has been a powerful de-motivator that has me sitting comfortably in old habits and shitty situations.

Let me ponder…

The loss of my Spirit means the loss of having personal desires.  My Spirit is what drives me to push on when everything is weighing me down.  It gives me curiosity and motivation to try new things or take a risk for something I believe in… it serves as a compass for my values and morals.

Furthermore, I’ll only have so much time to actually enjoy the memories of my achievements or bucket lists of things I just felt I needed to do.

So what do I do with this information… this new awareness of how I define “Spirit”?

I think a closer question is…

Where would I place my Spirit on a list of all of my life priorities?

Or perhaps…

How much is my Spirit worth to me?

Or finally…

What would I do to hold on to, or how far would I go to save myself—  my true self.


Maybe we’ll find out in Part II.  I need to sleep on this.


Part II:  “What if…”

3 responses

  1. Pingback: Part II: What if… « The Last Peace

  2. We are all born with spirit and I don’t believe the spirit ever truly dies, it goes to sleep. I believe that a person believes that their spirit is dashed or gone when they are faced with disappointment. Take sports. When your team loses several games in a row, their “spirit” is gone, they don’t feel the worth in doing their best b/c they may just lose anyway. But I believe the spirit lives on and after the feel of defeat and depression, it’s the spirit that comes back and gives us the drive we need. As the spirit grows, so does confidence and the next thing you know, your team starts to win.
    We all face many difficult decisions and are faced with difficult times that were created for which we have no control. We will all be in the rain at some point of our lives. The question is how will we react to those situations. Will we sing and dance in the rain? I personally have shown anger and sadness for my struggles and after a bit, I picked myself up and move forward with new goals, new plans, a new lust for the future! In different ways my love for God, family and friends gets me through these times.
    So if you find yourself without spirit, shake it awake. Every day is a brand new day for endless possibilities.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Just read this comment again and it has a whole new meaning to me. It’s curious how time and life experience can evolve my perception of old things, and make them new all over again. Inspiring words, I’m grateful.


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