approx read time: 4 min
I’m a little cold…
I’m not complaining; I get to feel my skin in a unique way.
Goose bumps… Yes.
Not that I like them, I don’t. But I feel something. I mean I always do, but Goose bumps feel different… or more [of whatever].
I find myself, as years add up, making an effort in taking the high road in all situations I find myself in. Perhaps from sheer curiosity, I at least try very hard to see what could possibly be positive and optimistic.
I objectify myself from the situation, and delve into deep thought on whether or not it is my poor perspective, or pessimism, that is creating my shitty circumstance…
Which would mean I am creating my own shitty situation and bad feelings, not so much what is actually happening.
Bad things happen, I get curious… because I do believe words like “bad” and “wrong” is a choice of perspective.
Life is not good nor bad, those are simply labels we choose to use.
How we interpret and label what happens to us, happens in our minds.
When things seem really bad, and I’m having trouble seeing how it can be twisted into something good, neutral, or otherwise, I am afraid that I am at the brink of my philosophical depth. And I may not be aware enough to know what the high road is.
What is the good from this?
If optimism exists, then what would (or could) it look like?
What other ways can this be interpreted?
How might other’s interpret the things that have happened?
If there’s something good to find, then what??
Perhaps, I do not bare the awareness of consciousness or the depth of soul to answer those questions at all times, and I get distracted and succumb to the heat of the moment.
In most situations, optimism is there if you look. I guess my point is that sometimes you can look and look but you may not be physically able to see far enough in front of you where the optimism plainly lies in a field full of shit.
If you don’t know it’s there, then it essentially does not exist as a reality.
I fear my ignorance narrows my optimistic potential. That’s what I’m trying to say.
May sound stupid to you, but it’s profound to me…
To have a problem that has an answer— you just have to find it—- them’s comfort words to me. If there is a good and bad side (and many others), then what and where are the good ones hiding?
But just having a problem doesn’t mean an answer is guaranteed, or that I am guaranteed to find it, or are guaranteed that I will even know that I’ve found it and should stop searching.
So this can be quite discouraging, to search and not really know when to stop searching.
Right and wrong are words of the future. They have no present tense definition.
Let me explain…
I’ve made a “bad” decision and it turned out good, or I was better off from it.
And I’ve made “good” decisions that landed me in terrible situations.
The words are diluted with interpretations that it sometimes feels like both are happening at the same time.
Am I supposed to feel comfort in what the transient definition of right and wrong are… at this moment??
Is it something to grasp onto for dignity, possibly perpetuating victimized mindsets, when something does not go my way???!
Should I just say,
“Well, I did what I thought was right.”
…. and surrender all future control I might’ve had?!
The answer is no.
I have been, but I will no longer.
Right and wrong, are not the only classes of thought when you are living in the moment.
There’s maybe, sometimes, except, and besides.
There’s politics and gray area.
There’s loyalty and trust, promises and pinky promises, alliances and pacts.
And of course there’s the words lying and deceit for when promises are not kept and when loyalty is misrepresented.
The words right and wrong are mere minorities in a world full of words made to express excuses and justifications.
Or again, maybe “right” and “wrong” are simply not appropriate for use in the present tense.
I shant achieve any level of comfort on the basis that right and wrong does not exist universally; both across cultures, and across time.
The words Right and Wrong are mirages that cloud our judgement; a heavy fog on the road to self actualization and congruency.
It’s like trying to hit a moving target by classifying everything I see and do with just 2 words.
It would be God’s greatest gift to me to relieve my mind of the words “right” and “wrong”.
What…. Oh what… Would I do without those words.