Men’s Locker Room Etiquette

Continued from…    Men’s Room Etiquette

I’ve been exposed to some alarming habits that take place in Men’s Locker Rooms.  

And no, Gentlemen. Using the Locker Room benches to stretch while nude is not a good time have a political discussion.

This guide is meant to ensure a non offensive, non obtrusive, and private way of carrying yourself.

…even if the guy in the locker room is letting his junk air dry.

General Rule:

It is the Man’s responsibility to show consideration and awareness when entering a Men’s Locker Room. 

The Man is not to impose on another Man in any way, unless absolutely necessary.


Do’s and Don’ts

You May:  

  • Share a locker with a buddy.
  • Have a fellow Man look over your fully-clothed body for flawed appearance, such as missing a button on a shirt, problem with a tie, etc.  [see note below]
  • Have a conversation while changing.  To stop dressing/undressing to talk while nude for more than a half a second is a violation.

Note:  Lint Roller’s 

Lint Roller assistance is fine.  Take pride in a Man’s trust in you to help him look his best.    However…

Lint Rolling your fellow Man will have a strict focus on the job at hand. 

For those few seconds, you are an acting dry cleaner only paying attention to fabric. 

If there’s areas of the fabric that the Man can reach/see, he can Roll those areas himself. 

Even if he insists, you insist back saying you’re not his b****  

[mens locker room talk, see last section for more on Locker Room talk].

You May Not!

  • Borrow another dudes deodorant, unless it is a spray.
  • Ask for help in any way until you have shielded your genitals from natural sight, unless of course there’s a medical emergency.
  • Stretch while nude and toweless.  Use either Icy Hot or get dressed again and stretch in the appropriate calisthenics area.

Proper Shower Etiquette:

There are several shower set ups I’ve seen; the single shower with flimsy curtain, and the “community” shower room.  Both share a pre-shower checklist.

The Pre-shower checklist…

  1. Strip down to boxers, briefs, or underwear of choice.
  2. Wrap towel around your waste.
  3. Underneath the towel, take off your underwear of choice.
  4. Stay Tidy.
    • Locker- put everything in it or neatly in front.
    • No locker- fold/roll clothes up and stack on top of shoes, and placed under a bench discretely out of the way
  5. Remember your shower shoes!  Trust that you don’t want to find out why.

You may ask another guy for shower gel or maybe- just maybe- a towel or some types of lotions, but keep these sort of favors to an absolute necessity.

You’re ready.  Continue to the Shower.

Single Shower Procedure…

The Man will…

  • Wait until he is completely in the shower hang up towel.
  • Dry off in the shower, wrapping the towel around waste before exiting
  • Make sure he has all of his ‘stuff’.  Once Man leave’s area and it’s occupied again, there’s no going back for forgotten items.  The Man will accept that they are gone forever…

Special Considerations…

Note 1- Water may be turned on ahead of time and tested as long as there isn’t any drawn out lengths of time or awkward reaching for anything.

Note 2- Conversations between Men that are in separate individual showers are acceptable once curtain has been closed for at least one of the Men involved in the conversation.

Community Shower Procedure…

Relevant Terms…

Meat Gazing  –  When a Man is caught looking in the general direction of another Man’s genitals.  He is said to be “gazing meat”.

The Man will…

  • Ensure full adherence to the Pre-shower checklist above
  • Face the wall while showering
    • If turning around is necessary, line of sight is not to go below 45 degrees towards the floor.
  • Use a towel if not alone.  Air dry at home.  Men are getting all too comfortable conversing in the nude.

Honestly, that’s it, Community Showering is simple.  And sharing shower soap/gel is more acceptable in these situations.

Conversations and jokes can be had, but again, extremely limited eye contact if any.

Listen.  We all know what a dick looks like. 

None of this is to say looking at dicks is a problem, I know and highly respect some gay guys. 

But to get back to the general rule, consideration and awareness should be exercised to the point where it would take effort and positioning for another dude to check out the package on another dude. 

That way there was a conscious choice to view the naked Man, as oppose to a shocking surprise

Whether the Man being “checked out” cares is up to his efforts to reduce occasions where his package is exposed. 

A great philosopher once said:

“Public places require private practices; the responsibility lies with the Nude Man to protect his innocence.”

There’s no ADD when you are naked, getting distracted shouldn’t be happening.  Stay focused on the task at hand.

I’ve seen more un-welcomed dicks in my life from community showers and locker rooms than I would like to admit.  This sort of thing is simply a part of dealing with community showers in the military, gyms, pools, or the like. 

It’s peripheral vision and sudden uncontrollable – and regretful– glances. 

Any Man who says this has never happened to him, is a Meat Gazing liar. 

Exceptions to Meat Gazing: 

Example… if a black guy turns too quickly and knocks a soap dispenser off the wall, it would be rude of me not to be able to repeat that story with accurate details.

Locker Room Talk

Oh yeah.  Sorry but Trump was spot on with the “Locker Room” talk.  Surprising to most Women, Men talk A LOT in Men’s Locker Rooms. 

This is where some Men get advice on life; anywhere from  medical questions, life lessons learned, news and current events, how to meet Women, or even pharmaceutical biology.

I’ve seen the dumbest ass hole know more about how L-Arginine dilates the blood vessels allowing more oxygen to enter your muscle cells, encouraging faster mitochondrial activity- ergo more energy for more reps bro! 

A sore muscle or weird foot problem or even an unidentified burning sensation can all be diagnosed with treatment recommendations; there’s plenty of ‘Men’-dical experts. [ha. couldn’t help myself.]

That being said, Men’s Locker Room Talk is as credible as wikipedia.  You can always expect opinionated-facts, exaggerations, or inflated stories of the past. 

For example, the “10” he got with last night was probably a “6-pack” kind of “10”.  Or perhaps he didn’t get laid at all.

It could even be past fights that they notoriously won, great feats against the odds, or accomplishments they were either a part of or viewed from afar but somehow influenced.

Somehow, none of this is considered to be a lie if spoken in a Men’s Locker Room.

If you’re a Man reading this, you might be giggling from something you’ve once heard.  For the women, just be glad you don’t have to listen to it.

View Men’s Room Etiquette

Or Move on to:  Anecdote and Conclusion of Men’s Room/Locker Room Etiquette (Link coming soon…)

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